3 Nervous-System-Friendly Ways to Keep Showing Up (When Your Perfectionism Flares Again)
Perfectionism rarely disappears forever. It’s more like a pattern that visits at different stages.
You set a new standard → you stretch → you do the brave thing → and then, quietly, your system goes:
“Okay, but now it has to be even better.”
That doesn’t mean you haven’t done the work. It usually means your mind updated faster than your nervous system.
Thoughts can change quickly. Bodies like to move slowly. If your body didn’t fully get the “we’re safe, we can do this” memo, it will keep you in caution-mode — even while your head is being all wise and evolved.
That’s where bottom-up work comes in.
Top-down vs bottom-up (plain English)
Top-down = mind → body
Journaling, reframes, therapy tools, talking it through, visioning.
You change the story, and over time the body follows.Bottom-up = body → mind
Breath, grounding, movement, orienting, sensory practices.
You change your state, and the mind stops shouting.
You don’t have to pick one. Most people actually need both: top-down to understand the pattern, bottom-up to help the body believe it’s safe to do something new.
So if you ever catch yourself thinking, “I get it but I still can’t do it,” that’s your cue to stop thinking harder and give your nervous system some help.
Here are 3 nervous-system-friendly ways to lower the stakes, calm the alarm, and keep moving (without needing everything to be perfect first).
1. Regulate first, decide second
Most of us do this backwards: we try to make decisions, create, or hit publish while we’re still activated. An activated body will almost always vote for avoidance — not because you’re weak, but because avoidance is the fastest way to feel safer.
So flip the order.
Try this (2 minutes):
Sit or stand with both feet on the floor.
Inhale through the nose for 4.
Exhale for 6–7 (slightly longer).
On the exhale, soften jaw, shoulders, belly.
After 10–12 breaths, then choose the next action.
Why it works: longer exhales signal “no immediate threat.” Once the body believes that, the perfectionist voice gets quieter and more reasonable. You can think more clearly about what actually needs to be done — not what your fear says needs to be done.
Use this before: writing, recording, messaging someone back, working on a creative project, or doing anything you’ve been avoiding.
2. Make the action smaller than perfectionism wants
Perfectionism loves big, impressive actions. Your nervous system loves doable actions.
If the task in front of you is: “plan the whole offer,” “rebuild my routine,” “finish the entire piece,” of course your system is going to tense. That’s a lot.
So we shrink it to something that keeps the channel open.
Ask: “What is the version of this I could do on low energy?”
Examples:
Instead of “work on the project for an hour,” → “open the doc and write for 10 minutes.”
Instead of “do a full yoga flow,” → “5 minutes of breath + 2 postures.”
Instead of “organise my whole admin system,” → “answer 3 priority emails.”
Then — important — let that count. If you complete the smaller version and immediately tell yourself “but it wasn’t enough,” you train your brain that effort isn’t rewarded, and motivation won’t refill.
Why it works: when the action is right-sized for your current state, your body doesn’t have to resist it. You get the “I can do this” signal, which makes it easier to do it again tomorrow.
3. Add a “return ritual” for when you fall off
Perfectionism thrives on all-or-nothing energy. If you miss a day or do it “messily,” it tells you the whole thing is ruined, so you might as well stop. That’s how people who actually want to create/teach/practice disappear for weeks.
The antidote is to make returning easier than quitting.
Create a 60–90 second return ritual you do every time you fall off:
3 long breaths (inhale 4, exhale 6)
name what you can do right now
do the 2–5 minute version
say: “I’m someone who returns.”
That’s it.
No punishment, no “catching up,” no starting from scratch. You’re just telling your nervous system: “we can step back in without getting in trouble.” That safety is what makes consistency possible.
Why it works: shame is activating. Activation feeds perfectionism. If returning is shame-free, you don’t stay away as long → you get more reps → you improve → perfectionism has less to feed on.
You’re not back at the start — you’re just meeting the same pattern from a calmer place. Regulate first, make it smaller, return kindly. That’s how this becomes sustainable, not stop–start.
If you’d like a few ready-made anchors to lean on, join the free Mindful Moments Series. It gives you short, nervous-system-friendly practices you can drop in on the days perfectionism gets loud — no pressure, just gentle returns.
Keywords: nervous system regulation, perfectionism flare, bottom-up practice, grounding, regulate first decide second, return ritual
