Is It Really Failing… or Is Your Brain Just Being Dramatic?
We all have that moment: you miss a practice, skip your walk, don’t journal like you said you would… and your brain announces, “Well, that’s ruined now.”
Not “that didn’t go to plan.”
Not “okay, let’s adjust.”
Just: failed.
In a lot of cases, nothing actually failed. Your brain just ran an old thinking pattern. These are called cognitive distortions — habitual ways of seeing things that sound true, but aren’t balanced, accurate, or kind. And when you’re in a perfectionism cycle, these distortions get louder.
Let’s look at three really common ones many of us fall into.
1. All-or-nothing thinking (“perfect or pointless”)
This one says: if I can’t do it properly, I may as well not do it.
You planned to move 4 times this week, you did 2 → “I’m not consistent.”
You meant to meditate every morning, you missed Wednesday → “I can’t stick to anything.”
You wanted to work on your creative project for an hour, you only had 15 minutes → “That won’t make a difference.”
What actually happened: you did some of the thing. That’s progress. All-or-nothing thinking deletes the middle — no space for “better than yesterday,” “in progress,” or “this is what I could do with the energy I had.”
Why it matters: this is the distortion that makes people stop. Not because they can’t do it, but because they believe that doing it imperfectly doesn’t count.
Try instead:
Name what you did, not what you missed.
Shrink the goal: “What’s the next smallest version of this?”
Remember: “partial” practice is still practice.
2. Mental filter (“only seeing what was wrong”)
Here your brain zooms in on the thing that didn’t go to plan and ignores everything that did.
You ran a class/workshop → 8 people were settled and grateful → 1 person left early → “It wasn’t good.”
You had a really grounded morning → snapped at 3pm → “I’ve undone all my work.”
You did your study/admin/creative block → didn’t finish everything → “I got nothing done.”
That’s a mental filter. Your attention filtered out every piece of evidence that you are showing up and held onto the one piece that matched the old story.
Why it matters: when you filter like this, it feels like you’re starting from zero every time. You’re not. You just can’t feel your progress because your attention is only reporting the “faults.”
Try instead:
Ask: “What am I not giving myself credit for?”
Write 3 things that did work (small is fine).
Keep a running “evidence” note for good moments.
3. Disqualifying the positive (“that doesn’t count”)
This one is sneaky: you actually do the thing… and then your brain moves the goalposts so you can’t feel good about it.
“Yeah I went for a walk, but it was only 15 minutes.”
“I journaled today, but it wasn’t deep.”
“I finally did some creative work, but it wasn’t my best.”
“I showed up to the class, but I felt nervous, so it doesn’t count.”
Sound familiar? That’s disqualifying the positive. You completed the behaviour — your nervous system should be getting the “well done, keep going” signal — but instead the mind blocks it.
Why it matters: if nothing ever “counts,” you never get the reward feeling. And when you don’t get the reward, motivation doesn’t refill. It looks like “I can’t stay motivated,” but really it was “I didn’t let myself feel successful.”
Try instead:
Let it count at the level you did it.
Say: “I did what I said I’d do for today.”
Capture wins somewhere you can see them when your brain starts raising the standard.
How this keeps perfectionism alive
Perfectionism often looks like this:
Distorted thought: “That wasn’t good enough → I failed.”
Emotional drop: shame, discouragement, “why do I bother.”
Protective behaviour: procrastinate, avoid, don’t finish, don’t share.
It’s not that you “aren’t disciplined.” It’s that your brain keeps telling you imperfect effort isn’t worth it — so you never get to feel the benefit of showing up.
The shift is simple (not always easy):
Name the distortion → soften the story → do the next small version anyway.
That’s how we keep moving, even when the brain is being a little dramatic.
If you’d like gentle, low-pressure practices to help you notice → return in real time, join the free Mindful Moments Series. It gives you short, nervous-system-friendly rituals you can tuck into your day — so when the all-or-nothing voice shows up, you have somewhere to come back to.
Keywords: cognitive distortions, all-or-nothing thinking, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, perfectionism, overthinking
